THE CONTINUING SAGA OF A MIDDLE-AGED SINGLETON*

*apologies to Helen Fielding

Here I am at 45, my sons are grown, I'm doing okay financially, I no longer have a special person in my life and it's all very interesting.

I had always heard that when a couple divorces, each person from that couple really finds out who their friends are/were. And that was somewhat true for me but I expected it and the real gems in my life stuck around AND some people you never thought you could count on came through in surprising ways. What I didn't expect was the same thing happened when I lost my love last year. That was much more hurtful. But the good ones made up for it in spades. (What does that phrase mean? Do I wanna know?)

Anyway, on to more fun things. I'm not interested in being a hermit nor is celibacy appealing to me. So that means getting myself out there one way or another.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I attended a party put on by a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I knew I'd probably be the only single woman there but that's okay. I ended up having fun, met some new people who were pretty fascinating, found out I still knew how to socialize, something that was in doubt for a while.

I was sitting by myself at one point and a man who I had seen come in with a woman I knew years ago - and who was aware of my single status - came over and sat next to me and started up an enthusiastic discussion. He had overheard me talking to someone else about some things my older son was doing and he was very interested in pursuing some of the same things. He was a nice man and I enjoyed talking with him, not even a hint - in words or body language - of flirting on either side. Well, out of the corner of my eye I noticed his partner watching us quite closely from across the room. And I thought, nah, this can't be happening. I know what I look like and I'm just not someone anyone would ever consider a threat. But she had this whole assessing-the-situation look in her eyes. He and I kept talking.

Soon he got up to refresh his drink and his partner looked at me and said "You know, you look GREAT," which was pretty darn flattering. And she quickly came over and took his chair and blurted out, "He's my man." I had to bite my tongue to keep from bursting out laughing. And I decided I'd just be even more flattered. Very flattered. I responded, smiling, "Yes, I know, I saw you come in with him," and we went on to discussing all sorts of things. He returned with his drink and joined us and it was all very friendly.

I'm still flattered. *grin*

Then there's the whole not wanting to be celibate thing. Which brings up birth control. I'm 45 and menopause is still a ways away for me (judging by my mother's and grandmother's experience) and my need to touch and be touched isn't slowing down any. (Since my last relationship was largely long distance, it meant a lot of physical loneliness even when he was alive. Once he died I thought for quite a while that that part of my life was over, along with so much of the rest of my life. I shut myself off. He would have absolutely hated that.)

So I am seeing someone now and then and I haven't had to think about birth control since my younger son was a baby (he's 20 now) when my ex had a vasectomy. The man in my life after my ex had had a vasectomy many years before. It was sooooo nice not having to worry about that. The man I am seeing now has zero interest in having a vasectomy for his own reasons.

Dang.

Sometimes I wish menopause would hurry up and get here. It could make my life so much simpler. Right? ;-)