Coming up for air
Two nights of reasonable sleep can really clear out the cobwebs. I can actually think clearly today.
The new sleep med was a bust. Made things worse, not better. As a result, the last week especially was horrible. Not surprisingly, the FM pain worsened even more and so it became hard to tell what was keeping me awake at night - the sleep disorder or the pain. I'd fall into exhausted sleep now and then for half an hour only to be awakened by the pain. I'd be crying or moaning and whimpering (and not the fun kind of moaning or whimpering, darn) as I came awake. Fun way to start my days and made me ill-equipped to handle some other curveballs in my life so they sent me reeling.
SO, am trying a new approach, a combination of a few different things so as not to rely on just one. Two nights of decent sleep is two more nights than I've had in a very long time. I know it's ridiculously obvious, but it always amazes me what a difference that can make in one's perspective. And while the pain is still bad, I can at least handle it when I've had some sleep.
All that has meant I've managed to get a lot accomplished the last couple of days, beyond work (which has been bussssssy for weeks and will continue to be). Bills paid, chores getting done, found a dress to wear to my son's wedding which is a miracle in and of itself. (I generally hate clothes shopping for many reasons - okay, unless it's lingerie.) First store, only thing I tried on that seemed right and voila. On sale, too. Waaaaaay more than enough money left over to spend a few dollars and order a couple of books a friend (thanks Denise!) recommended as a gift to myself. As frugal as I am and need to be, it's been a long time since I bought a book for myself so this was a treat. Now I just have to get shoes and clutch purse (I have nothing that matches). Not sure what I'll do about jewelry as some of my favorite pieces have gone missing the last few months but oh well.
I think I'm finally at a place of acceptance re Michael's death. His birthdate was this past week and it was okay, and I thought only of how his sons and his parents might be handling it. I can look at pics, listen to music, read letters, watch some of shared favorite movies without falling apart. And smile at the memories and be grateful.
In the midst of writing this my best friend came on messenger from Europe to say hello. She's having a FABULOUS time. Latest highlight (after Paris, Salzburg, Vienna): turns out she's a natural at kayaking. A relative of hers is an Olympic-caliber kayaker and showed her the ropes so there she was, kayaking on the Danube, making good time. How cool is that?
Anyway, here's hoping I'm on a roll and sleep again tonight. If this keeps up I may even find the energy and focus to get back to the home-movies-transferred-to-dvd project I began months ago and never got back to. Maybe.
Next weekend, I am heading to Seattle for the day to meet some friends who will be in town from Illinois. (She's a long-time friend of Michael's and we're the only ones in each other's lives we can talk to who knew and miss him.) Her family and I are going to go to the zoo! (I love a good zoo and it's been many many years since I've been. I've been fortunate enough to have witnessed or experienced some magical moments with animals over the years, in the wild usually but sometimes at a zoo.)
Well, back to chores and some dawdling in WoW.
P.S. I knew the day would come sooner or later.... my son took his digital camera back (how dare he!) so I'm now camera-less once again. So pics may be few and far between for a while unless I manage to steal it back from him. ;-)
The new sleep med was a bust. Made things worse, not better. As a result, the last week especially was horrible. Not surprisingly, the FM pain worsened even more and so it became hard to tell what was keeping me awake at night - the sleep disorder or the pain. I'd fall into exhausted sleep now and then for half an hour only to be awakened by the pain. I'd be crying or moaning and whimpering (and not the fun kind of moaning or whimpering, darn) as I came awake. Fun way to start my days and made me ill-equipped to handle some other curveballs in my life so they sent me reeling.
SO, am trying a new approach, a combination of a few different things so as not to rely on just one. Two nights of decent sleep is two more nights than I've had in a very long time. I know it's ridiculously obvious, but it always amazes me what a difference that can make in one's perspective. And while the pain is still bad, I can at least handle it when I've had some sleep.
All that has meant I've managed to get a lot accomplished the last couple of days, beyond work (which has been bussssssy for weeks and will continue to be). Bills paid, chores getting done, found a dress to wear to my son's wedding which is a miracle in and of itself. (I generally hate clothes shopping for many reasons - okay, unless it's lingerie.) First store, only thing I tried on that seemed right and voila. On sale, too. Waaaaaay more than enough money left over to spend a few dollars and order a couple of books a friend (thanks Denise!) recommended as a gift to myself. As frugal as I am and need to be, it's been a long time since I bought a book for myself so this was a treat. Now I just have to get shoes and clutch purse (I have nothing that matches). Not sure what I'll do about jewelry as some of my favorite pieces have gone missing the last few months but oh well.
I think I'm finally at a place of acceptance re Michael's death. His birthdate was this past week and it was okay, and I thought only of how his sons and his parents might be handling it. I can look at pics, listen to music, read letters, watch some of shared favorite movies without falling apart. And smile at the memories and be grateful.
In the midst of writing this my best friend came on messenger from Europe to say hello. She's having a FABULOUS time. Latest highlight (after Paris, Salzburg, Vienna): turns out she's a natural at kayaking. A relative of hers is an Olympic-caliber kayaker and showed her the ropes so there she was, kayaking on the Danube, making good time. How cool is that?
Anyway, here's hoping I'm on a roll and sleep again tonight. If this keeps up I may even find the energy and focus to get back to the home-movies-transferred-to-dvd project I began months ago and never got back to. Maybe.
Next weekend, I am heading to Seattle for the day to meet some friends who will be in town from Illinois. (She's a long-time friend of Michael's and we're the only ones in each other's lives we can talk to who knew and miss him.) Her family and I are going to go to the zoo! (I love a good zoo and it's been many many years since I've been. I've been fortunate enough to have witnessed or experienced some magical moments with animals over the years, in the wild usually but sometimes at a zoo.)
Well, back to chores and some dawdling in WoW.
P.S. I knew the day would come sooner or later.... my son took his digital camera back (how dare he!) so I'm now camera-less once again. So pics may be few and far between for a while unless I manage to steal it back from him. ;-)
posted by SwampHag at 1:37 PM
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