The Gift of Silence

The pic above was taken from my back porch as the sun went down last Saturday. Not the best quality but it captures how the light reflects off our local volcanic mountain on a clear evening.

Ever since Michael's death in 2005 I've had to surround myself with sound. Silence was impossible and even most music was too difficult so it's been the t.v. on in the background while I work for the last year and a half.

Last Sunday I was finally able to turn the t.v. off and work in silence. It was very nice. More than nice. I know this sounds like a small thing, but it's not. It speaks to the calm and strength I feel inside as I move on with my life. As I explore new music, venture out into the world, laugh more often, allow myself to feel the light again.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer."
~Albert Camus

Consumer Whore

That's ME!!!

A few months ago I had none of the above. I'd wanted a digital camera for a long time but had done fine without. And what did I need a cell phone for? I work from home and didn't go out much. As a music lover I thought the iPod was very cool but couldn't justify the expense considering that whole always home and no life thing.

Then a couple of months ago things were going well and I found a little Sony camera on sale and went for it. Woohoo!

The gods weren't impressed and suddenly I had things breaking down left and right.... hot water heater, various other things in the home requiring pricey repairs and then my car. Again. On a highway at midnight in the freezing rain. No cell phone. That was a fun walk home. *chuckle*

Everything got fixed including my car and I bought a cheap plan and cell phone. Finally. I'm out and about more these days and it was time. So now I had a digital camera and a cell phone, an embarassment of tech riches. (I got the phone for emergencies only and don't otherwise have it on but just realized there are a lot of places I usually phone that are not long distance with the cell; with my land line just about EVERYthing around me is long distance. So um, I may be getting a bigger plan.)

I looked at my finances and decided I'd really save in 2007 so I can afford a little car by the end of it. Totally doable. My parents had other ideas.

See that red thing everything's sitting on? That's my new car; got it just before Christmas. I like having a little car I can rely on. I like having a NEW car. I like having a car I can play cds in. I REALLY like having a red car. *lol* (My last one was white and it served me well but the colour bored the hell outta me.) Sure can't lose it in a parking lot. (Not that that's ever happened to me. Ahem.)

When I went to sign the papers for the car, the dealership was having a promotional deal for anyone buying a new car..... hence the 4 gig iPod Nano.

That's when I started laughing and haven't really stopped since. It's all too silly, really. Totally unexpected and I'm grateful for it all. I've had many blessings recently and all along, and, most meaningfully, not just of the commercial kind.

I have joined the forces of consumer whoredom. If I'd known how much fun it is, I'd have joined long ago.

Technorati Tags: Sony Cyber-shot, Telus, Samsung cell, Nissan Versa, iPod Nano

Tree go bye-bye

I'm not always this fixated on inanimate objects but I really liked my tree this year. Every year when I put the Christmas decorations away, something will linger and settle in to stay. A figurine here. A jingle bell on a doorknob there. One year, I just know it, the whole dang tree will stay behind. I put some thought into making that happen this year. I didn't want it to stay where it was, but perhaps put away, intact, in a little used room where I could go sit and bask in its warm glow. Is that so wrong?

My younger son said, "You do realize that this just confirms you're psychotic, right, keeping a tree all year round?" I think he meant 'eccentric' but that's probably wishful thinking on my part.

Anyway, it just wasn't feasible so the decorating and the tree are tucked away for another year. Well, except for the pretty vases (not shown here; that's just a pic I like) with sparkly branches. Ahem.



On to other ramblings....

I'm someone who sometimes, but not necessarily, makes and keeps new year resolutions (but I also create and pursue goals/dreams all year long too). This year it's about traveling again and exercising - already begun - at least a little bit every day. If I want to travel, that means a lot of walking will be involved, exploring various new places. I haven't been totally inactive in 2006, but the purposeful exercising got less and less as the pain got worse and worse. This past month the pain has escalated to a ridiculous point. I'm sleeping pretty well, relatively speaking, but the pain is horrible. Makes me wish I took narcotics (I choose not to). Makes me wish a hot bath did the trick (tried that last night with no relief). Makes me wish the man in my life was actually HERE (he's away for the holidays) so I could have sex which is always a good distraction - as is laughter - at least for a while. Even the Rome commentaries (my younger son gave me the first season on dvd) isn't proving distracting enough. (My heart still belongs to Deadwood, another fresh and profane look at historical events, but I'm really enjoying Rome too. Want to see Carnivale one day too. I should just subscribe to HBO and be done with it.)

*grumble* Stoopid pain. Still, I'll take the physical pain, even when it's this bad, even when it hurts just to breathe or wear a bra or sit or lie down or have a shower, over psychological pain ANY day. MUCH easier to handle. And, aside from the pain and fatigue, my life is pretty damn good these days.